The Red Letter A

I'm writing this because Missouri has just enacted into law a mandatory 72 hour waiting period for abortions, one of the strictest in the country. This is on top of the fact that our state has one, yes ONE clinic that performs abortions for the ENTIRE STATE. More on why this matters later.

Abortion remains one of the most explosively polarizing issues facing our country today. Despite the deeply entrenched opinions held on both sides, I hold that there IS middle ground to be found, even on this. As our current Congress is showing in a spectacular fashion, our country simply CANNOT function if we do not find middle ground and meet each other there when possible. Full disclosure, I am pro-choice. And unapologetically so. But, even if you are the staunchest of opponent of abortion, I urge you to keep reading. Because even if nothing I say sways you in any way whatsoever on your opinion about abortion, what I have to say about how our opposing views should work together is something every serious opponent of abortion should hear.

As I said, I am Pro Choice. But I wasn't always. I grew up in a very Christian home where things were viewed in black and white terms. Abortion was murder. Period, full stop, the end. But my views on this an a multitude of other topics have evolved greatly in the last few years. I have learned to see the shades of gray. And having lived in the real world for a few years rather than the cotton clad haze of black and white Christian thinking, I have discovered that life is not easy or simple and decisions are only rarely as black and white as we would often like them to be.

Consider this. If a woman is seeking an abortion, there is a reason why. Something in that situation is devastatingly wrong. The thought of getting an abortion doesn't enter a woman's mind if everything is peachy with the pregnancy, her home life, her economic situation, and her health. This is what I feel so many people don't consider. They want things to be so simple, but they're just not.

For instance, in the case of a young unwed mother, the first reaction I often hear is, "Well why doesn't she just carry the baby to term and give it up for adoption?" That's a great deal more difficult that the person who asks that questions thinks. What if she's living paycheck to paycheck? Sure, she might find an agency that will cover her medical bills, but what if morning sickness or complications with the pregnancy keep her home? What about rent, food, gas, insurance? A pregnancy is more than just being an incubator for 9 months. Many women have difficult pregnancies in which they must take lots of time off work. Not to mention post delivery issues....for some women who are financially strapped, this simply isn't an option. There's also the emotional trauma factor. For some, terminating a pregnancy is less traumatic than carrying the fetus for months and then handing it off to a stranger, spending the rest of your life wondering if you made the right decision. For women (like my birth mother) who chose this option, it is noble. But to pretend that this is a realistic option for EVERY unwanted pregnancy is laughably naive.

Need I even mention rape and incest? Despite Todd Akin's views on the matter, pregnancy in these horrifying scenarios DOES happen. Not often, but it does. Now, to be fair, even many opponents of abortion hold that the victim has the right to choose what she wants to do, but there are rabid anti-abortionists who would say even in this case, the woman should have to carry the fetus to term. And this is the difference between pro-choice and anti-choice. Whatever the woman chooses, the pro choice person will respect that decision. If she chooses to carry the child to term, then that is her choice. If she chooses to terminate, that is her choice. But it has to be HER decision. As I said, even some pro-lifers agree with this, but here's the problem with their logic: why should only a victim of a violent crime get a choice? Why shouldn't a woman who had consensual sex merit the same decision? Why should she be punished for her sexual choices by having the right to decide how to handle the consequences of her actions taken away from her? Furthermore, there is the logistical problem this presents. Many rapes go unreported, and victims don't seek help after the experience because tragically, we live in a culture where a victim is just as likely to be blamed for her assault as she is to get justice. So just from a logistical standpoint, how are you even supposed to enforce a law that allows this loophole? Would you have to obtain a medical report or a police report in order to get an abortion, if that was what you chose to do? The idea of a rape victim having to jump through so many hoops and part so much bureaucratic tape in order to make a decision about her situation is repugnant to me. If you have any sense of empathy, it should be repugnant to you as well.

I could go on and on about scenario after scenario regarding why women get abortions. But at the end of the day, it boils down to this: everyone is different. And I don't mean this in a warm and fuzzy greeting card way. I mean this in a realistic way. Everyone's needs are different, the situations they find themselves in are different. Trying to create a blanket law on an issue as complicated as whether or not a woman chooses to carry a pregnancy to term is absurd.

Many of us do not remember a time prior to Roe V. Wade. We don't remember when getting an abortion could land you in jail. And we sure as hell don't remember a time when finding a woman dead in a hotel room from a botched back alley abortion was not uncommon. And because this was never a reality for my generation, there are many who are staunchly anti-choice, who support bans on abortion and restricting this right for a woman to make a choice when they don't fully understand what the world looks like when that becomes reality.

Here is the cold truth, and it is true whether you are pro-choice or pro-life or whatever the hell you call it. A woman who feels cornered enough or desperate enough that an abortion seems like the best or only way out for her WILL obtain one. With the pro-choice approach, she gets knowledgeable medical care and medical procedure performed by licensed doctors and nurses. In a rabid anti-choice world, maybe she goes down to Mexico and takes a fistful of pills that contain god knows what, but a friend of a friend of a friend said they work. Maybe she goes to see someone in a dirty hotel room, or a run-down apartment. Maybe she dismantles a wire hanger and tries to self abort, hopefully not perforating her uterus or giving herself some kind of horrifying infection. So either way, the pregnancy is terminated. Only difference being, maybe the woman in question is terminated too. There are those who might say, "Just desserts. She got what she deserved for trying to murder her baby." If that's your reaction, stop reading. There is nothing further I want to say to you, because you are are miserable excuse for a human being.

You see, whether you're pro-choice or so called pro-life, for many women, if they are already at the point of an abortion, it is too late for intervention. That ship has sailed, been shot down, and sunk with no survivors. That isn't to say that some women will not change their minds. Or that a crisis pregnancy center isn't a valuable societal asset. However--and this goes back to the opening statement about Missouri and the mandatory wait period and the fact that we only have one clinic in the entire state--most women who walk into a clinic have already made up their minds.

This waiting period, and the laws like it, are designed to restrict access to abortion. But the problem is, the only people they restrict abortion for are the very poor, which statistics tell you are far more likely to seek an abortion, for a variety of reasons. By requiring a 3 day waiting period, especially in a state with one lone clinic still offering abortions, they basically force a woman to pay for two trips to the clinic, two hotel stays, get two separate leaves from work, etc. For a woman with means, this is a minor to middling inconvenience. For a woman without means, this is pretty much impossible. The legislators who passed this who identify proudly as "pro-life" seem to think this is going to reduce abortions. But they're wrong. The women who are desperate and feel they need one will still get one. It just won't be at the clinic.

That's my key frustration with legislators who put forth these laws and the people who support them. First of all, most of the legislators are men. Which is not me being a man-hating feminist or whatever you want to call me. But at the end of the day, it is impossible for a man to know the terror of having the pregnancy test come back positive. Or hearing the news that their life is in danger from the pregnancy. Or finding out that the child they wanted desperately has some kind of deadly mutation or genetic defect. That's just a fact. Second of all, these pieces of legislation do not reduce abortions, nor will they ever. Even if you outlawed abortion completely, and turned over Roe v. Wade, aboritons would still happen, and be just as common. The only difference is there would be more dead women in the morgue from botched abortions done by back alley hacks and pills from god knows where.

I understand the moral issues people have with this. There are difficult questions surrounding this issue that I honestly don't have all the answers to. But here's what I do know: That middle ground I was talking about? Here it is:

Hi pro-lifer. I'm a proud pro-choice woman. But I would love nothing more to see a world without abortion. Not because it's been outlawed or all the practices shut down, but basically because it simply isn't needed. I think any time a woman feels an abortion is the best option it's a sad situation, because it means something in the situation of the pregnancy is not right. Whether it's a serious issue with the pregnancy, or the fact that she is pregnant, or whatever the situation may be, it's sad. A world where abortions weren't needed would be a much more pleasant place, and I would gladly take your hand and endeavor to try make that happen. But not through legislation. That has been shown not to work. No, we need to focus on the root causes and sources of abortion and go from there. Things like:

1. Invest in quality, honest, sex education for our youth, and for the poor. A main frustration I have, especially with the religious right in this country, is that with one hand they hold a megaphone and proclaim abortion to be the great Satan, but with the other they actively fight against properly educating our youth about sex. Teens need a rational adult conversation about sex. Not scare tactics or the horrendously failed "abstinence only" programs that are prevalent in today's schools, but honest, down to earth education about sex. At the end of the day, statistics say that many high schoolers will choose to be sexually active. 17 is the average age to lose your virginity in America. Furthermore, even if they aren't sexually active in high school, at SOME point in their lives, they will almost certainly be sexually active. So learning about sex and the things that go with it really is not any different that learning any other life skill. If schools want to add in to the sex ed curriculum that abstinence is the only 100% effective way of preventing STDS and unwanted pregnancy, then that is perfectly fine. But abstinence should not be the centerpiece of any sex ed curriculum. The hair-raisingly high rates of teen pregnancy in abstinence-only schools, not to mention rampant STD rates has made this more than evident. Being open and honest about STD and pregnancy prevention options in high school could help turn abortion rates around in this country for people under 25. Doing the same type of education for the poor, and providing free family planning services could also turn around abortion rates. If you are genuinely against abortion, you are a hypocrite if you don't support programs like this. People are going to have sex. The best way to prevent unwanted consequences is to have an adult conversation about what those consequences are and how to avoid them.

2. Crisis pregnancy centers: I think these are great. I think they help a lot of women and do a lot of good work. Provided they are giving out correct information and not just trying to scare women out of having an abortion. Rather, they should be there as a support system for women who find themselves with an unexpected pregnancy and choose to carry the fetus to term. These centers help give women options and support if they choose to carry the baby to term and I think that's wonderful. If you are against abortion, donate money and time to these centers and help them in the work they do. That would be a far better use of your time than picketing the abortion clinic and harassing a woman making the hardest decision of her life.

3. Harsher penalties for sexual offenders (especially repeat offenders): whether it's a case of molestation or rape, the fact remains that you can do more jail time for stealing money, or a car, than you might for raping or abusing someone. And that is messed up. Physical abuse should outrank thievery. For instance, in the infamous Steubenville case, one of the rapists got 1 year of jail time. That was it. One fucking year. If someone knew that committing rape could get them 15-20 years, maybe it would be more of a deterrent.

4. Self defense training for women. If a woman can learn to defend herself, she may be able to stop a physical attack. Sometimes, this isn't possible, but sometimes it is. If your community doesn't have a free self defense course for women, talk to your police department and see if one can be set up.

5. Improving our foster and adoption systems. Many people have had horrific experiences with our child services divisions as they currently stand in our country. Terrible statistics exist on things like abuse and neglect while in the system, and other disturbing facts make some hesitant to view putting a baby up for adoption as a logical choice. If we can find ways to fix this system, and make it better, it might make women more likely to put a child up for adoption rather than aborting.

6. Providing more education to women about the importance of prenatal care. Some abortions, especially late term abortions, occur because it's discovered that the fetus has some kind of horrific birth defect. I'm not talking about things like Down Syndrome. I mean something really awful like the brain is growing half way outside the cranium. Things like that. Dr. Tiller, the abortionist doctor who was murdered in 2009, performed late term abortions for tragic cases like these. Some of his patient testimonials are online and they are heartbreaking. Educating women about the importance of prenatal care may be able to help reduce some of these. Some of these are the results of genetic abnormalities, which can't be prevented, but some can averted by making sure women get the proper care, especially in the early months of pregnancy.

These are just six simple ways we could realistically reduce abortions in our country, without trying to force a woman to make this choice or that choice. And any of these would be far, far more effective for reducing abortion than the most stringent anti-abortion law a legislature could come up with. They aim at the root causes of abortion, not just abortion itself. It's much more holistic and much less divisive approach. And, these are statistically proven to reduce abortions, where as just trying to outlaw the practice, or intimidate doctors from practicing, or shutting down clinics, doesn't do anything to slow or stop abortions, it just moves them into the shadows. Which might make the self righteous among us feel better if they don't have to see or think about it, but it doesn't make it go away, or solve the deeper societal issues that cause abortion to be a needed service.